Family problems

edited March 2017 in Mystery
Some how i cant stop having issues with my dad.

for example when the diabetes symptoms appeared, i told him, he send me a link with some recommendations. 

and thats all, not even ey can i help you somehow, i know its not his obligation, but not like, do you need money to buy some medicines or else...

the guy simply not support what im doing, and he asks why im not interested in being close to him.

could we save  our relationship?

Comments

  • edited March 2017
    Thought about it, changed my mind.
  • edited March 2017
    Its not the money luna per se, is the attitude, last time he invited me on a trip i got an infection. He invited me to the trip, and caught the infection there, e knows i dont have money to pay for such, less for an infection treatment. You know what he said to me? that i was hypocondriac, meaning what? that i was inventing the illness to take money from him?.

    do you know when i was like 19 and ask for help to pay for studying and living what he said to me?
    that i wanted the money for beer when he funded his other son and he was a party drunk excess guy.

    its just that he doesnt know if i live or die and suddenly he calls to me and one day per month pretends to be a father and asks why i dont want to be close to him?.
  • Truth of the matter is that if he has no interest in your affairs... well, he's sadly not a very good dad.

    Most people have children. Most people have issues and some people are very selfish. So there's a very high chance for being stuck with bad parents or at least one bad parent.

    It's not easy to feel like you're not important to your own father. I guess maybe telling him you're diabetic should have come with at least a conversation and not a link.

    It's not his place to lecture you and it's not his place to offer you money. You're a grown man and you're supposed to fend for yourself and act like an adult.
    If you need his monetary support, you ask for it and swallow your pride.

    I would be upset and a little taken aback if I were not living with my parents and they kept on asking me if I needed money, but that's just me.

    One thing: it IS his responsibility to take an interest in you, to call you, to talk to you and to give you advice. That's what family's for.
    And frankly, if he's hurting you then it's time to take a step back and think about what kind of a person he is.


    I'm sorry for the harsh comment before. It's just that... I was a bit taken aback by the money comment. He should be showing concern and talking to you, it's NOT his responsibility to take care of you economically. You're very much grown up. A parent's role changes when you become an adult.

    If he only shows affection via money, then there's no actual affection.
  • @OskrZS
    Sorry. He sounds like a terrible person. You're making up an infection? I'm sure an actual doctor told you you had an infection... which would place him in a weird place.
    Is he a doctor that can refute another doctor's diagnosis? No?

    Then he's a terrible person. He sounds kind of cray-cray, really.
  • Taking money from him by feigning an illness?

    Un ladron juzga por su propia condicion?
  • See once he invited me to a trip to acapulco.

    There we were eating meal, suddenly a family entered the place and he said to us: look those guys came with in lame taxi, they barely can afford this, the family dad sucks. i was like, my god this guys are insane withing, my brother was just laughing giving him the reason.

    Then a poor guy with a guitar entered the place, and my father said to my brother. look fer, thats the future of your brother, being a beggar with a guitar, of course when i asked he supported my music studies he said it was a waste of time. got my drift?
  • He's an idiot.
    Sorry, Oskr, I know it hurts, but he sounds like a total idiot.
  • edited March 2017
    Did he say you were gonna be a drunkard and a beggar because you were gonna study music?
    Because that's a pretty common attitude towards musicians in Latin America (at least in Ecuador they think that) and it couldn't be farther from the truth. You were a classical pianist.

    Concert pianists practise around six hours a day and their work also includes giving concerts, lessons and masterclasses. That means you have no time for anything other than music and you're working 18-hour days. It's not a profession. It's literally your life.

    It's an ultra-disciplined life that few can sustain because it means giving everything up, and for some even having a romantic relationship can prove impossible. There's just too much work and when your work takes precedence... goodbye any kind of relationship with anyone.

    That hardly sounds like someone who parties all day. It's someone who works themselves to the edge. A workaholic.

    Music is a mastery skill. So.... yeah. It's a tough world out there.
  • Not to mention, forget weekends off. You practise every day because... that's how mastery skills work.
    There are no days off. There are no vacations, no holidays and no paid sick leaves.
    Do you think anyone CARES that someone died and you stopped practising an entire week before the concert? No. No one cares out there and you better deliver. Also, how dare you take a week off? You were supposed to have that Rach concerto polished and now it's shit. You're shit.

    A musician's life is a tough, tough life for people who are tough as nails and have a bit of a sadistic edge, really.
  • I was more of a rocker first
  • ...and my far-away cousin plays Reggae professionally. So?
  • Yet i ask to go to school got a door in the face with him
  • Meh. I don't know, man.
    To each his own, I guess. You truly do resent him, obviously. Just let that sink in.

    And then ask yourself if you trust him and how much of a role you want him to play in your life
  • edited March 2017
    Also, have you told him how you feel and why?
    You should tell him. Give him a list of all the things he's done that have hurt you. Communicate with him, just leave that in the open for him to cogitate on.

    It might help you, you know, heal. You can't bottle everything up inside, you know. And letting it out here won't change your relationship with your dad, even if you hope for Brian's wise advice.

    Speaking of which! Let's call him over!
  • @Brian
    Hello, sir.
    My friend needs advice and I did my best here.
    Your turn!
  • @Brian is right, i mentioned him that in buddhism we need to let go of attachments of family and else, and he is upset because of that. First of all he doesnt understand the point, he just believes that im going to a desert to live in a cave til my last day.

    He cant stand that... so he made me a whatsapp scene from nothing.

    Like Oskr>  hello!

    dad> hello

    O> we meet?

    d>I dont know

    o> why?

    d> dont know if that is good for you, since you believe is evil we meet.

    o> jajajaja how you come to that{wtf?}

    This after months without seeing each other.
    sort of...
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